Rambling thoughts.

I’ve just renewed this blog’s webspace and domain for another two years. Yeah, I know I hardly ever post lately and it would save me lots of money if I just retire it. For some reason – force of habit, maybe – I still chose to renew it.

Now I know why.

For years, I’ve used this blog to unload my thoughts and feelings about anything under the sun. At least, that’s how it used to be. Nowadays, I say something – STOP. I say and do NOTHING, and I still get judged. :shrug: I know I sound incredibly pa-victim by saying that, but hell. If I can’t say exactly what I’m feeling right this moment on my own blog, where else can I say it? If you’re annoyed that I’m being a drama queen, feel free to go somewhere else.

True confession: In my more than two decades of being an active supporter of quite a number of artists, I have never shed as many tears as I am now. You could combine my years of being a fan of Ricky Martin, The Dawn and Rain – a period that spans many, many years – and the times I spent alone bawling my eyes out would not compare to the nearly two years that I’ve cried in this current fandom. You know why? Because in those many, many years that I have been a fan of those artists, I can freely speak my mind without being harshly judged. In those many, many years, something stupid happens and we’d just laugh it all off, or rant about it together.

Nowadays, I do something or even absolutely NOTHING, and people would either avoid me like the plague or keep silent out of fear of being bashed, or join in the collective bashing even if they have no idea exactly what did I do, if at all. I am the type of person who would either scream her head off, or bawl her eyes out. Without an outlet to unload my feelings, I am reduced to just wallowing in my own self-pity. Boo-hoo.

The other night, I ended the day by being annoyed that people are once again making a big issue out of absolutely nothing. I really don’t get it; there was nothing wrong with that Tweet – for the record, I didn’t write nor post that one; I don’t handle any of our group’s social media accounts – yet some people are reacting as if we killed someone. I shrugged it off and got some much needed sleep instead.

I woke up the following morning to a dressing down about that Tweet. I didn’t get it, neither. In my opinion, there was nothing wrong with it. Evidently, the only thing wrong with it is that it was posted at the wrong time. Read: everyone was dying with kilig, and we didn’t join in the bandwagon. Basag trip, ‘ika nga. :rolleyes: What the hell, really.

So I just went on with my usual business for the day, away from all the fandom madness. Then I stumbled upon an email notification and discovered that apparently, I am in the middle of being maligned on socmed because of that Tweet. As in people are specifically tagging me and calling me all sorts of names because of it. I am automatically tagged as the culprit for something that, while I don’t disagree with because there was nothing wrong with it, I did not do. I was proclaimed guilty by association.

Everything just makes me really, REALLY sad, disappointed and just plain exhausted. I don’t know what exactly did I do to deserve this. It’s like being his fan is a sin and I should take all the punishment because I supported him too much. Far too much for their own liking, anyway. Ironically, I am currently on fan-from-a-distance mode. Believe it or not, the last time I actually got anywhere within a 10-ft radius from the guy was way back in January. Yet I still get all the crap even if I unwillingly chose to be hardly visible lately. Tapos magtataka pa sila bakit ako nawala. Tingin n’yo, bakit kaya?

I don’t regret any of the things I did for this fandom. It’s my choice and I have to live with it. Pero minsan nagtatanong na talaga ako sa sarili ko kung bakit parang ang martir (tanga?) ko na. And that’s not a good sign.

I’d probably regret writing this piece later but I feel that if I don’t, I might regret it more. If I continue to remain silent, I’ll develop this resentment and hatred for probably the wrong reasons or towards the wrong people. It’s funny because in the past, I really didn’t care who gets offended as long as I get things out of my chest. I guess it comes with age.

Sorry for rambling. Then again, why should I apologize. It’s my blog, I can say whatever the hell I want. Self-pity is the only thing working for me right now.

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The annual birthday post, 2016 edition.

My XXth year in existence can be summed up by what this guy said on his video greeting for me.

A video posted by Paulette Agent P (@agent_pau) on

Flashback to what I was doing on July 17, 2015: I celebrated my birthday through a staycation at a hotel with my Voltes friends, and I was telling Charity – who happens to be the original Alden Richards fan among us in Voltes, as in dates back to Alakdana days pa – that her ‘anak’ (she calls Alden her anak-anakan) was trending on social media because of something wonderful that happened at Eat… Bulaga! the previous day. At the time, I was already on fangirl retirement. I had no idea that from that point forward, I will find myself being plucked out from that self-imposed retirement and be sucked in deeper and deeper into the Alden Richards fandom.

One year ago, I had no idea that I will be spending my birthday week attending four – yes, FOUR – screenings of his movie; three of which in his presence, and two of which in super-close proximity. It would’ve been four out of four, pero sabi siguro ni Lord, “hoy Agent P, abuso na yan. Give chance to others.” :hihihi: I was feeling a bit down that I didn’t get to celebrate my actual birthday with Alden when he didn’t make it at the PEXers BS, but then something wonderful happened: I won something at the raffle, and that something happens to be something that I really need for my Singapore trip next week: a small luggage. Not to mention that I had so much fun at the BS. Not bad. Not bad at all.

PEXprize

One year ago, not even in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I will be receiving two video greetings from the guy. What the heck; a week ago, I was just thinking, “meron kayang magmamagandang loob na humingi ng video greeting kay RJ para sa birthday ko?” :think: Whadya know, all I asked was one. I was given two, and it was super-personalized. And one of them was given in my presence. I should not complain, at all.

All of this happened because I took his photos. That’s it. Amazing, right?

Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful year. Here’s to a more fruitful, enjoyable and sana, hanash-free year ahead. (Pero asa pa sa last part; abusado ka na, Agent P!)

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Magic words.

Hello! It’s been a while. I’ve been buried under piles and piles of garbage reports as it’s peak season at work right now. :stretcher: I barely have time to sleep, much more enjoy a hobby.

I just want to share something amusing that happened to me here at the office just a few moments ago…

An employee of my client agency offered to sell me some food supplements (juice and capsules), trying to entice me by using the magic words: “LOSE WEIGHT, FAST AND SAFE”. She said many of her colleagues have been using the product, and one by one they started parading their ‘brand-new selves’ in front of me. Of course, I’m new here so I’m really not sure how much have changed from their old selves to their brand new selves. Anyway, I would have been interested, not because of the losing weight part, but because with this new assignment wherein I have to travel a minimum of two hours per trip, I would need all the supplements I could get to boost my physical and mental energy.

And then, maybe in another attempt to get a successful sale out of me, she uttered more magic words: “pag ininom mo ito, mawawalan ka ng ganang kumain! (if you take this capsule, you will lose your appetite!)”

:kilay:

You could pretty much tell what happened next.

===

Postscript:

I couldn’t imagine how my life would be if I started taking supplements to suppress my appetite :ayaw: and then I made my client happy and they send me these:

Hearty afternoon merienda. #thankyousasponsor #okoy #lumpia #camotefries #pandesal #food #foodie #foodporn

A photo posted by Paulette Agent P (@agent_pau) on

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Blessed by the Pope: The Pope Francis Effect.

I only have a few regrets in life, and one of them is this: I had the opportunity to see St. Pope John Paul II in Manila in 1995, but I botched that opportunity. Only because I was afraid that it might be difficult to catch a ride home once the crowds come in. :wall:

I went to claim my CPA license at PRC on the same day that St. John Paul II was to visit my alma mater University of Santo Tomas in conjunction with World Youth Day. I went to UST after claiming my license; it was still early morning at the time and there was practically no one at the university grounds and only a few people were waiting along EspaƱa Avenue. I could’ve easily picked a spot where I could have a good view of the Pope. However, my impatience with waiting for a few hours (I wasn’t a Kpop fan then and had no previous experience on waiting for hours with no food and water) and my fear that I might be fighting tooth and nail for a ride home took over my desire to see the Pope. I just decided to go home.

Whenever I remember that stupid decision, I feel like hitting my head with a hammer. :bop: So when it was announced that Pope Francis will be visiting our country, I made sure that I will not make that same mistake again.
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Today, in a nutshell.

Today, I went to the South Korea embassy to submit my visa application.

Travel time from my house to the MRT: approx. 45 minutes
MRT ride from North Avenue to Guadalupe: 30-35 minutes (surprise, no queue and the train is not packed like expensive sardines!)
Time spent looking for an FTI/Tenement/C5 jeepney: 25 minutes
Time spent before the jeepney was able to escape traffic at Guadalupe Market: 35 minutes (!!!)
Jeepney ride from Guadalupe to the South Korea embassy at McKinley Hill: 15 minutes
Time spent to have my document intially screened and get a queue number: 3 minutes
Time spent waiting for my queue: 1 hour and 5 minutes (with some entertainment on the side :naughty: )
Time spent at Window No. 3 to submit my application and get a claim stub: 10 seconds. Yes, SECONDS.
Taxi ride from the embassy to Farmer’s Market, Cubao: a little over one and a half hours
Time spent to grab a quick lunch: 20 minutes
Time spent at National Bookstore to buy books 2 and 3 of the Maze Runner trilogy: 37 minutes :grin:
Time spent waiting for a bus to go back to my office in Bulacan: 45 minutes :aargh:
Travel time from Cubao to Bocaue Exit: less than 40 minutes
Time spent waiting for the damn jeepney to move from Bocaue Exit: 5 minutes
Jeepney ride from Bocaue Exit to Bocaue intersection: 2 minutes
Time spent waiting for the damn jeepney to move from Bocaue intersection: 7 minutes
Jeepney ride from Bocaue intersection to Balagtas: 5 minutes.

I wasted so much time today. :wall:

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