Lockdown.

It’s funny how it took an “enhanced” community quarantine brought by the COVID-19 outbreak to make me post something on this neglected blog. :lol:

Well, I’m working from home, and what I brought home is already done. I’ve already caught up with whatever sleep I lost since the beginning of 2020. I could be Netflixing and chill, but I’m not quite in the mood to binge-watch anything after Kingdom 2 (yes, I will be blogging about that because I have lots of time). Parking my buns on social media is not doing anything good to my sense of humor. It’s taking a lot of effort to stop me from replying to comments that irk me. :aargh: I could be doing household chores… but NO. :razz:

Then I remembered that I have a blog. Aba, andito ka pa nga pala. :lmao:

Someone told me that it’s OK to kill this blog as blogging is not the ‘IN’ thing anymore. But then, I did not create this blog to be ‘in’. I have this blog to unload my thoughts and share them to those who care to read/listen to my nonsense. And since I’ve recently – as in just a few minutes ago – renewed the domain for another year for reasons unknown to me… I guess I have a reason now. :idea: I have one full year of blog space to kill my boredom.

So here it is. I will ramble. Because I have time.

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Being community quarantined means we are allowed to work from our respective homes. Working from home means we need to have a stable internet connection to communicate with our bosses, colleagues and clients, and transmit reports and files as required.

Armed with this thought, I sent a random Tweet to Globe, Smart and PLDT requesting that they stabilize our internet connections at home. Knowing them, they could be giving us reprieve from our due dates but they’ll compensate by throttling our internet connections. I mean, c’mon. Not everyone is spending this lockdown by binge-watching on streaming sites or online gaming. Some of us still need to do our jobs from the comfort and safety of our homes.

Globe responded through DM. The respond was the usual, “could you tell us if the lights on your modem are on and/or blinking” nonsense.

I politely obliged. Of course, every light is on and/or blinking. Only, the signal light is YELLOW. Yellow means, “low signal”. In short, it’s working, all right. Just not working as fast as it should be.

Guess what! I did not get any more response after that. Of course. :rolleyes: It’s like the corporation is saying, We don’t care if the connection is fast nor if the signal is good. If the lights are on, it’s working. We have no problem.

Geez, thanks for wasting my quarantined time. I could’ve just spent that to catch more sleep. Or watch CLOY. :ehh: Nah. :lmao:

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That moment when you realized that you just averted possible COVID-19 infection by a hairline. :err: And your laziness basically saved yourself. :lol:

Around yearend last year, I got transferred to another team but the rest of my teammates stayed put. Last week, my former team invited me to visit my former office to join them for their birthday lunch on Monday. Which was yesterday, March 16. On Friday (March 13), the government announced a Community Quarantine in order to contain the spread of COVID-19. This resulted to our Big Boss announcing that we are free to not report to our respective offices on Monday and just work from home.

I decided to stay at home yesterday for various reasons. One, I can afford to work from home because my pending work load does not require me to actually go to the office and do it there. Two, my daily commute to and from work is at least four hours and it involves transferring vehicles several times. That, alone, makes me vulnerable for infection. Three, I am diabetic, and diabetics are more susceptible to infection and imminent death due to COVID-19 than regular, healthy people. Four, I have been feeling a bit ill since last week because of work deadlines, travelling long distances, preparing for the League of Alden event and lack of sleep due to all of the above. I felt super-fatigued every day. My glucometer reading for the entire week never went below 140 (normal reading for diabetics is 120). On the way home from the event, I felt nauseated to the point of wanting to throw up. Honestly, I was carefully examining myself for symptoms of COVID-19. Fortunately, catching up on sleep over the weekend stabilized my blood sugar and made me feel better.

Fifth reason, and the most important one: I GOT LAZY. :lmao:

Today, the Mayor of that former client agency announced that he tested positive for COVID-19. :err: This effectively made the entire Municipal Hall, and everyone and everything he was in contact with, as Persons/Entities Under Investigation for COVID-19.

And I missed that by a hairline. All because I got lazy. :lmao:

See? Laziness has its benefits. hahahaha!

Seriously, though. I hope the honorable Mayor gets well and everyone there remains safe. This is just proof of how potently dangerous this virus is. It doesn’t discriminate. Everyone is vulnerable. Thus, as much as you can, STAY AT HOME.

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One year after.

It’s been a year since Alden Richards staged his Adrenaline Rush concert. It’s also been a year since I came out of the closet and told the world about the state of my mental health.

Around this time last year, I was seriously contemplating on retiring as an active fan. Adrenaline Rush was supposed to be my last hurrah, so to speak. One year, a couple of drama series and a movie after, guess what… I’m far more active than before. :razz: What happened?

I’ve pondered through it and listed down my random thoughts and realizations from the past 12 months since that fateful night on September 21, 2018:

1. It IS possible to fangirl alone and enjoy it.

Yes, it is far more difficult if you don’t belong to any fan group, especially in the Alden fandom where belonging to a fan club/group is the most guaranteed and convenient way to collect your Alden moments. Fight me on this, it’s the truth and we all know it. I was once an FC member, ya know. :blink: Now that I no longer belong to any group, I would have to fight my way and double-triple the efforts just to have the perks that I used to enjoy when I was still with an FC. Sometimes I get lucky, oftentimes I don’t. But that’s just how the way things are.

However, fangirling alone has its perks. I am free to move and ‘strategize’. I don’t have to seek permission from anyone before doing things like set visits, or even taking a selfie with Alden. I can share my own thoughts and opinions without compromising my group. I am only accountable towards Alden and no one else.

It could get lonely sometimes, but that’s just normal. There are things that still need a lot of getting used to, such as being treated like I don’t belong there (yep, that still happens). I just have to constantly remind myself that it’s not about me; it’s just all part of fandom politics. Myself is just too stubborn to listen sometimes (sometimes??? :tounge: ).

2. It’s OK to be paranoid, but not too much.

One of the things I acquired from all the things I went through as an Alden fan is extreme paranoia. As a result, I became elusive towards people in this fandom, in general. I am elusive by default because I’m an introvert. I’m not good at dealing with strangers. But once the ice breaks, it’s all good from there. Once it’s all good, I have the tendency to be too trusting. I end up trusting the wrong people. In the world of fandom politics, ‘trust’ is a very big word.

I got stabbed in the back multiple times in a span of what… 3 years? I guess you can’t blame me if I have trust issues. My trust issues evolved into extreme paranoia.

With the recent developments in the fandom, things have changed. I’m still awkward towards some, particularly those who used to shade and bash me on socmed, but I now get to exchange pleasantries with people whom I used to distance myself from (or they distanced themselves from me). It’s all good. However, I still need to constantly remind myself to be cautious and not to trust too much. The fandom politics is still there, after all. :blink:

3. Don’t give everything for your idol. Save some for yourself.

Alden said something along these lines in one of his speeches at a recent fan event. I can totally relate with what he said.

People who know me over the years know that I’m a very passionate and devoted fan. Heck, if I give the same passion towards my work as I do with fangirling, I’m either at a higher position by now, or got killed/ate death threats for breakfast. :grin: (Aren’t we glad that I’m not as passionate at work? hehe) But there came a point when my daily life gets affected by what’s happening with my idol and the fandom. I had to suffer from emotional and psychological distress before I realized that I should not let my entire being be consumed by fangirling. I learned the lesson the hard way. I still get random bouts of sadness every now and then, but I’m just a person with a mental health issue. It comes with the territory.

So guys and gals, remember this: We become fans of a celebrity in order to take a break from the rigors of our daily lives. They are supposed to be our stress-relievers. If they become the source of stress, take a step back and re-evaluate. Don’t worry if your idol is like Alden, he’ll understand why you need to take a break. He’s unselfish that way. :smile:

4. Remind myself where I really belong.

There are times when I feel like I don’t belong anywhere in this fandom, like I’m not good enough to be his fan. Whenever it happens, I get sad. Extremely sad, and question my entire existence. I got this a lot particularly during HLG promotions. I felt like I’m being slapped in the face of the fact that if you don’t belong to a recognized fan group, you don’t belong, period. In order to cope, I had to constantly remind myself that I declared at the beginning of 2019 that I’m just going to do it the normal way and fangirl from a distance. However, stubborn Agent P is stubborn and doesn’t listen to reason. Thus, the sudden bouts of extreme sadness and loss of self-confidence.

Recent events have told to me that what I feel is not necessarily what it really is. So now, I have to re-calibrate my declaration and re-define where I really belong. I do belong somewhere in this fandom. It’s not ‘from a distance’, not a far one, anyway. To hell with anyone who tells me otherwise. :blink:

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Wishlist, 2019.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2018 was a very difficult year for me. It had its share of bright moments, but most of it were low points. I’m still battling my inner demons as I speak. But since we’re ushering in a new year, I will try to be optimistic for once and list down the things that I wish to do or accomplish in 2019.

1. Travel more.

I had the opportunity to rekindle my love for travelling in 2018 with my trip to Fukuoka and Hokkaido in Japan. It ignited that passion that I sort of neglected the past few years because I was busy with something else. In those precious five days in Japan, I felt alive and well again. For 2019, I’m placing at least two overseas trips on my bucket list. Japan is definitely on that list.

But to accomplish that list, I should…

2. Focus on work.

It has now become a policy at work that, unless it’s an emergency, we cannot go outside the country until we finish all the audit reports due in the first semester of the year. In my case, I’m not free to leave until August of this year, at the earliest. Therefore, to accomplish my travel goals, I should finish all 40+++ reports on time. Such task requires immense focus, which I lost a lot in 2018. (In my defense, I had a very difficult first semester in 2018 and family matters got in the way. Not that I’m making excuses…)

3. More opportunities to practice photography.

coupled with

4. Go back to active blogging.

Taking photos is my only contribution to any fandom I’ve been into, and now my opportunities to practice it are near-extinct. :sad: I think my skills are getting rusty, plus more and more talented photographers/photo-hobbyists have taken over the reins.

Proof that I lost my enthusiasm with taking photos: my Christmas bonus is still intact because I’m not keen on checking online stores for a new camera that will most probably just end up taking space on my closet. This is so NOT me.

As for writing, I simply am on an extended writer’s block. One minute I thought it’s back, but once I load my blog editor my mind comes out blank. Considering that I’ll have to renew my domain and webspace this year and I’ll be paying quite a sum for it, I should decide ASAP if I still want to continue blogging.

My heart seems unready to let Agent P’s Headquarters go, though.

I need to bring my mojo back. Maybe travelling will help? Or a change in environment?

5. Re-connect.

One of the things I gained before 2018 ended is that I was able to reconnect with old friends whom I kinda lost track of in the last three years or so. During the most difficult times of my life in 2018, they showed to me that they may not always be visible but they’re just there, waiting for me to reach out. It’s always nice to know that there are people in your life that always trust you and believe in you and will accept you no matter what, without expecting for anything in return.

I think I need to re-connect with me, as well.

I know this blog entry doesn’t sound as optimistic as it normally should, but hey. At least I know what I want, right?

I wish you all well this coming year.

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