I made a K-pop comeback last weekend and realized something:
I miss the innocence of being a fan.
You know those times when you’re just starting to be a fan of a certain artist that every little thing that happens bring you so much excitement and joy? When you’re not jaded about all the fandom politics and not paranoid of the people around you? When you have little to no expectations, thus, everything you experience is a pleasant surprise?
Yeah, it all happened last weekend. And I realized to myself how much I missed all that.
As we were roaming around Mall of Asia grounds to get to the concert, I witnessed all the fan projects and activities and saw how everyone gets so excited at just receiving a small photocard or whatever memorabilia they could get. At first I was like, “I used to do that in my first few years as a Cloud; when my room got so cluttered, save for original merchandise everything went to trash afterwards.” But before they ended up in the trash bin, they made me really happy. I could feel what the young Carats were feeling that day and had a pang of nostalgia.
When my niece received a simple gesture of recognition from a Seventeen member, she was so ecstatic that I literally felt her whole body shaking from euphoria. I remembered the time when a simple moment like the idol noticing our FC banner felt like we won the grand lotto.
Everything was so simple then.
I asked myself: When was the last time I felt the pure bliss of innocent fangirling? I couldn’t remember anymore.
And that’s just sad.