(photo by Charity Park)

You might need a magnifying glass to spot me from this view so I took the liberty to label it. Charity took this pic from where she and Lou were seated last week, which was at the nosebleed section of Cotai Arena.

Whoa. That was a week ago?? I can’t believe it has been a week. When we were there, it’s like time was running oh-so-sssllloooowwww… By the way, around this exact time last week, we were at the airport trying to revive our devastated souls by re-enacting scenes from Boys Over Flowers.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, Cotai Arena. This photo was taken at around 7:00PM, and as you can see, we’re practically the only ones inside the venue. Seated beside me were Tita Ruby and Ella. The others were milling around, lining up for Six To Five merchandise, etc. I don’t know why the two people beside me (and the two people at nosebleed section) opted to stay in; in my case I was not in the mood to move a muscle and at that point I just wanted the day to end. Which didn’t happen until the wee hours the next day. *sigh*

Yes, I am still bitter and hurt, as was pointed out to me by my friend Ann. To which my reply is, “there is still no reason for me not to be bitter and hurt anymore.” Sorry, I’m just OA that way. Didn’t you notice that I haven’t uploaded anything from this Macau trip, even at Facebook? And I don’t know if it’s my bitterness about this entire thing or what, but I dreamt of Rain yesterday, and it was REALLY bad. As in probably the worst thing that one could ever dream of about another person. I just fervently hope that it wasn’t prophetic and it’s just my negative feelings towards him getting the better of me.

Rummaging thru the Macau files, I found a photo of my “The real Agent P is here” banner taken by Hiroko. It’s a good pic, and I initially wanted to post it here, but looking at it again it just seemed sad, grim and especially pathetic. I actually am now wondering why did I ever even think of doing that, and the letter enclosed with the gift. Seems I completely lost my mind, as well.

On a related note: Yukie sent me the original “Agent” autograph via Hiroko, so I want to thank both of them and let them know how much I appreciate the effort.

To end this sad.grim.pathetic blog entry on a high note, I want to tell this funny concert-related story (yeah, there are some funny bits). Those who know me will know that I have this ‘reputation’ of picking up small treasures from all the Rain concerts that I have attended. In 2005 at Rainy Day HK, I picked up an uber-expensive Japanese magazine that one of the Korean Clouds left in their dash to catch their 11pm flight (I knew that it was expensive because we saw that thing at Sino Centre earlier that day and was shocked to find that it cost a whopping 450HKD). In 2006 after the Rain’s Coming showcase, I picked up a brand-new official Rain’s Coming cellphone tag from underneath the seat behind me. So after the Macau show last week, I was also on the lookout for whatever ‘treasure’ that I may find.

There was none, except for several Six To Five freebie posters that were either left there by non-fan audiences, or were left from unoccupied seats that the other fans did not bother to collect. Of course, I am cheap and I need something to at least get a little something back from the loads of cash I paid for my ticket, so I shamlessly collected every poster that I could find.

The funny part of this story is: my other CPH friends and our two emissaries at the nosebleed section had the same idea. Charity and Lou even employed the help of Pinoy security staff at the Cotai Arena to make the collection process faster.

You want one of these? Attend the next Cloud Philippines event. IF there’s still going to be one.

Here’s what Cloud Philippines gave - tried to give - Rain for his birthday:

Gas company Shell had a promo where you can collect a set of Ferrari model cars - with real engine sounds! - if you gas up with them. I know that Rain likes these kinds of toys so I thought this would make a great gift for him. I had to ask Charity and my parents to complete the set which is not as easy as you think because (1) you have to purchase at least php500-worth of gas to get just one car; and (2) not all branches have stocks available for a particular model that we wanted.

To add a Filipino flavor to the gift, Ann suggested to add some die-cast model vehicles which are native to the Philippines. Kultura Filipino has a nice selection so I got him one of each: a jeepney, a calesa, a tricycle and a pedicab.

As for the card, we asked our Cloud Philippines members to post messages at our forum which Rizza compiled and designed as a birthday card.

Actually, there is something else in this gift. Here’s what the other side of the bag looks like (seen here being held by Charity at 2:00am while waiting in vain for Rain at Macau International Airport):

Aside from a couple of personal letters from Tita Virgie and *eherm* myself (because desperate times need desperate measures), there’s a BKFN card. What’s on it, you may ask? This.

Of course, we probably will never know whether this gift has reached Rain or not. I won’t do like other fan accounts where I will pretend that it reached him when I know that the greater possibility is that it didn’t. But I certainly hope it did. If it did not, then… well, I was going to throw it away if we didn’t give it to Mr. Camera Man, so it won’t matter anyway.

PS: You might notice the BKFN logo on the gift tag. This gift was funded by CloudPH - and of course, not everyone at CloudPH is a BiKyo fan so there might be some objections on this - but I couldn’t resist putting our logo in there. It’s a strategy. It has been proven that anything that has a BKFN logo expedites things as far as Rain is concerned. No, I’m not hallucinating. It’s a fact. If anyone thinks otherwise, then this one’s for you:

I’m back. And I don’t know where to start.

A friend asked me about my trip and this is my answer: first half = disaster, second half = not so bad. Wait… no, second half was good. I now understand why some people find shopping therapeutic. I spent all of my money shopping for food and stuff in Macau and Hong Kong, I have forgotten what I was there for in the first place.

And then I go back home and get reminded of it again.

I’ve been staying away from any Rain-related sites for the meantime, except Cloud Philippines which I have to constantly check because it’s been plagued with spam messages lately. It’s so painful to look back at that fateful Saturday which I now consider to be the single worst day of my life. Sometimes I wish I am still like Ella or Earl who are still new to this, who still finds excitement in every little Rain thing that even if they get openly screwed they wouldn’t feel so bad as long as they see Rain even from seats that are so not worth its price. Or they wouldn’t feel so down that the gift that we so painstakingly prepared and carried all the way to Macau might have not ended up with the intended recipient. Well, I was planning on throwing that thing away if it didn’t get delivered, so if that guy who received the gift ended up keeping it for himself, I hope he had fun with it. Just as long as I don’t see it in the hands of another person who is not Rain I am fine with it.

This photo sums up everything that has happened on the first half of my Macau trip:

On that note, I just want to say a few things:

1. You basically have no right to feel screwed if you also screwed other people in the process.

2. To The Cloud or J Tune or whoever the F is in-charge of any fan activity involving Rain: If you have no intentions of really including ordinary fans (meaning, fans who have no contact whatsoever with the powers that be) in your event, please do not give false hopes that we still have a chance even if in fact, we don’t. It’s just not right. If you want him for yourself, go ahead, he’s all yours. But don’t mess with people’s feelings especially if you don’t want the same thing happening to you. Which did happen, so what can I say… justice rules? Also, next time you do a scheme like that, please learn to be discreet because not all fans are stupid and not everyone will shut up. I know people are trying to be quiet about it, but I’m not Agent P if I stay quiet now, won’t I.

3. The truth about the fashion concert: the arena was not full (only about 75%); the audience was far from lively (duh); sound quality wasn’t crispy clear and transition between songs was not smooth; Rain’s performance was okay, I guess, although his moves are a little bit too heavy; he was off key a looooot of times; his hair was terrible. And I want my money back. There, that’s my fan account.

OK, to be fair, Touch Ya was awesome even Madalena the non-Rain fan clapped her hands after that number, and there were a few times when I laughed, but I cried when he sang Harudo and it’s not because I was touched by it so that pretty much canceled everything out.

4. The one thing that hurt me the most was when I see people giving up without even trying. Especially when the right people have offered help and they openly ignore or reject it or simply give it up, for whatever reason. I’m sorry, I love them to bits, but I was really very, very disappointed.

5. Would a renewal of Cloud Membership be worth it if only to give me a license to bitch about how fans are being treated by Rain’s company? I know it probably will not matter because, hello, it’s J Tune. But at least people won’t say I have no right to complain, right? Also, if I can throw away USD250 for a glorified mall show, why can’t I throw away USD50 for a chance to do something that interests me, ie., complain and bitch about everything?

6. Rain… you’re a good man, you are a wonderfully talented person… but you are SO difficult to love.

My nightmare is over. I hope. But first, let me give you the gruesome details.

Picking up from where I left off: After learning that we will not be *invited* to the fanmeet/birthday party, we decided to just send the CPH gift via the hotel concierge. Tita Susan and Tita Gie did the task, only to come back with a grim face because the hotel concierge refused to send the gift to Rain’s suite. Reason: Rain’s suite number is so confidential, even the hotel manager doesn’t know what it is. Tell that to someone who might believe, won’t you? Anyway, even if we kneel down and beg, they still won’t accept it. So Plan B? Failure. However, they informed the Titas that the birthday party has been moved to Ballrooms A and B. Tita Susan was so excited, until I told her that it won’t matter because we’re not *invited*, anyway. We were able to secure passes for the pool party which, according to Venetian staff, is actually the birthday party, ergo, we are so confused because which one really is it??? See, I told you, it’s the pool party and nothing else! But again, it doesn’t matter because we were informed first hand by Rain that it has been canceled. Rain being, the name of the Venetian staff assigned at the pool area.

So anyway… gift still not delivered. We tried sending it to him via the Pinoy security people at the Cotai Arena, but they also are not allowed to even enter the premises. Suddenly, Mr. Kim came out and Tita Susan gave him a sort of signal that we have something for Rain. Mr. Kim asked them in a conspirational voice that we can give it to him once we’re inside the arena. I think Mr. Kim did not want to accept it in front of all those people (as far as I know, he doesn’t accept gifts from fans for Rain). However, we weren’t able to see him until the concert ended and even Rizza’s attempt to try and pass the gift to him during the end part of the show where we sang “Happy Birthday” for Bi (which, it turned out, IS the fanmeeting; more on this later) was thwarted by security people.

So how was the show, you may ask? Are you sure you want to know the answer to this one?

Let’s just say, the only thing I remember from watching the show are these: (1) Bi is so… heavy. Note, I DID NOT SAY HE’S FAT. (2) I hate his hair. Other than that, I still think that the concert is not worth the money I spent for my ticket. I didn’t bother to take pics because our seats were too far and I would just be spending most of the time trying to focus, so I just said screw it, I’ll just try and enjoy this very short show. I enjoyed some of it, but overall? Not bad, just… for that price, I demand more.

When Bi sang Harudo as his “last song”, I found myself in tears. All day I was frustrated and disappointed that no matter how much I tried just enjoying the show, I simply can’t. It’s like fate itself is going against us.

Last resort: try and pass the gift to him at the fanmeeting venue. Madalena tried to call her contact at the Venetian but she (the contact) was too busy to attend to us. She’s the one mainly in-charge of taking care of Rain, you see. When we finally got out of Cotai Arena after scavenging all those freebie Six To Five posters from the vacant seats, we were promptly informed by our BKF-HK friends that the bullshit fanmeeting… has been canceled. Oh, sorry, was I too happy? I am not even going to attempt being sympathetic because sorry, I am not. Someone from BKF-HK asked me, “so what did you do?” Me: “what did I do about what?” BKF-HK: “It is unusual for him to just cancel the fanmeeting at the last minute with no explanations whatsoever, when everything has already been prepared. What did you do?” Well, aside from posting a complaint before I left for Macau, right after the list was released I also posted a rant on my blog and called the selection process as bullshit. They would not cancel the fanmeeting for that, won’t they? Or would they?

Ok, so fanmeeting canceled, but the after-concert party that is open for everyone is still on. No Rain, though. One Venetian staff tried to look for a J Tune staff to help us with the gift, but she wasn’t able to find any. Hiroko then told us about Bi’s departure flight which is assumed to be at 2:00AM this morning. Ok, really last chance to hand over the gift! Off we went to the airport, where we and about fifty other fans waited for him patiently to arrive until the plane left and still, no Rain. It’s either he used a secret entrance to hide away from the fans, or he hasn’t left Macau yet. Hell knows.

Feeling really down, we went back to Venetian where Charity had this idea of looking for anyone at the Venetian who might still be able to help us hand over the gift to any of Rain’s staff who might still be there. I don’t know if this is fate’s hand working but… Charity, Lou and I (with the gift) were the first in the group to arrive at the hotel. At the lobby, our BKF-HK friend came running towards us and said, “Rain’s cameraman is right there! He can accept gifts! Go give him your gift, tell him it’s from the Philippines!” Oh my, how lucky are we? Charity and Lou hurriedly approached the cameraman and told him our request. At first, Mr. Cameraman was hesitant - after all, our gift was a bit heavy and bulky - but Charity begged him, told him that we’ve been to the airport and we can’t find Ji Hoon, so please help us. Mr. Cameraman said, “ok” and accepted the gift. Charity and Lou were so grateful, they both gave him 45-degree bows in return. Ah, finally! Gift mission accomplished! Actually, it doesn’t matter to me if I don’t see him up close or if he doesn’t see my Agent P/BKFN banners, what’s more important to me is to give him the gift. While we are not really assured if Mr. Cameraman will end up giving the gift to Ji Hoon, it doesn’t really matter. The most important thing is, someone from his staff has accepted the gift for him and hopefully he will give it to Ji Hoon.

I still haven’t eaten dinner and everyone else has been begging me to eat, but I just have to type this entry up. Hiroko has some pics that I can share later on and if reports are correct, Rain is still here in Macau. So who knows, we might still have a continuation of this adventure.

***ADVANCED WARNING***

This post is written by the most bitter Cloud in the world.

===

Agent P and CloudPH in Macau, in one-two liners:

1. Isn’t it depressing that the first words that the driver who picked you up in the airport would tell you is, “are you here for Rain? I saw him earlier, he had a photoshoot.” CloudPH: AIIIEEEE!!!!

2. The most molested billboard in Macau is the big one of Rain’s concert at Cotai Arena.

3. First come first served = bullshit with a capital B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. (Bitter na kung bitter, but if you see nothing but the same old names on the list, you can’t say it’s really “first come, first served”. Tigilan ako sa kalokohang yan, leche! )

4. Song Hye Kyo’s photo at the Laneige shop is sooooo beautiful. (What am I saying, SHK is beautiful, of course the photo would be beautiful as well. )

5. You can’t go around the entire Venetian in one go. You.Just.Can’t.

6. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

7. Rain is in Macau… literally. With typhoon to boot.

8. My ticket at the concert officially SUCKS.

9. As of 4:34pm Macau time, AgentP is not keen on renewing her Cloud membership until she is assured that all that bullshit will never happen again. (not that it matters, but still)

10. As of 4:35pm Macau time, AgentP is thisclose to staging another boycott.

11. Omigad! Mr Kim (you know, Mr. Pink Tie Bodyguard?) still remembers Tita Susan!

12. Above all the disappointments and frustrations, the Venetian rooms are AWESOME.

13. The first guests to learn that the after-concert pool party has been cancelled are us from Cloud Philippines, and it was relayed to us by Rain. (I am not kidding.)